just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
