Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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