Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
