dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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