he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
