it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
