i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
