I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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