doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My breasts were aching with rage.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
