he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
