If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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