if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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