You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
