How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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