these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
