He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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