i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
