Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
