The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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