that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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