i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
