Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
