We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
