i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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