hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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