my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
