but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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