I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
