If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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