Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
