Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
