Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
