The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
