So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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