As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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