I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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