You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
