But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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