stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
