i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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