if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
