So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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