i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
