I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
