I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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