I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
