White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
