I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
