Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
