Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
