My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
